I was walking back to the Airbnb the other day, and I passed a storefront that was just three vending machines in a small space — two were pretty standard (drinks, chips, etc.), and the third had a variety of hot sandwiches like fried chicken, burgers, and the one I tried, kebab.

Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind:

  1. This can’t possibly be good.
  2. I need to try it.

I justified it by telling myself that I could write about it on this blog, but let’s face it — my morbid curiosity would have compelled me to try the vending machine sandwich regardless.

Choices, choices

I selected what the machine called “Kebab de Vitela” (I wasn’t about to try the burger or the fried chicken sandwich.  What do I look like, an idiot?); the machine counted down from 24.  Something about it was vaguely threatening.

I was then invited to open a small door and retrieve a puffy, piping hot plastic bag containing my dinner.

No

It was a sad looking sandwich, but I held out hope that it would taste better than it looks.

Yeah, not so much.

The flavour of the meat was actually fine, surprisingly enough — certainly, it’s not anything that anyone would ever classify as “good,” but there wasn’t anything off about it.  Considering that it’s a vending machine kebab sandwich, I’m going to call that a win.

No times a million

It was the texture of the meat that made this as disgusting as you’d fear a hot vending machine sandwich would be.  I’m not even entirely sure how to describe it, other to say that it fell into the horrifying no-man’s-land between crunchy and chewy.

The yogurt sauce that was so prominent in the picture was entirely absent.  I probably dodged a bullet there.  As for the bun, it was pretty microwavey, but basically fine.

All in all, not a great sandwich.  And yet — if I come across another vending machine selling hot, incongruous food, I’ll probably try it.

There might be something wrong with me.

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